Scientists have given up trying to explain...

You guessed it: SCIENCE!!

Scientists at the Lawrence Livermore-or-less Laboratory, have concluded their exhaustive study on science. Their goal: to find out what someone would actually be following if he or she were to “follow the science.”

In an early role-playing exercise, they took turns following each other around the laboratory until someone pointed out that people were supposed to follow the “science,” not the “scientist” (more on that later.)

In a bid to eliminate bias, the volunteers for the study submitted, instead of a photo that accompanied a short bio, simply a thumbprint. While possible to scan the thumbprint for additional information, one person complained that the thumbprint led to a Beechwood tree-trunk ring. The scientist in question had no family history of Beechwoods.

The scientists who participated had to abide by the DEI (Diversity, Equity, Inclusion) guidelines. They had to agree to change (“fudge”) their name if it wasn’t diverse enough (Smith would be converted to Swimbilutio), etc. - even the use of “etcetera” was questioned).

Then there was some disagreement over"Light" and “Dark.” A compromise was reached between the “Inclusive” faction that insisted the authors who had a “fair” complexion should tint it darker (like they’ve done in the comic strips), and the “Equity” faction that wanted the richest scientists to set up a carbon slush fund for those using bicycles.

Their conclusion. Since science has been “trending up,” scientists during the Covid Era of Confusion have tended to “follow the scientists,” to see where they were going, hoping that they knew where that was. And many, if not most scientists, ended up following the “Scientist of the Week,” a random pick which could be anybody. When Dr. Fauci’s name came up, he instituted the “6 foot distancing rule,” which he now admits “was just a number that sounded good.”